Corridor Gossip

By: Tomas Brito

Hi, everyone, and welcome to the first edition of “Corridor Gossip.” Here you’ll find THE weirdest, the funniest and the most interesting things about SAMUN and its SAMUNers.

Our first tidbit is from Daniel S. He, among other things, insisted, “The food was great and cheap.” I don’t know if he knew it or not, but the food was free.

A random girl told us (in a little spoiled voice), “The first day of SAMUN was great, it’s such a good experience…blah, blah, blah…I want to go further in the debates…blah, blah, blah…the food was great.”

During the General Assembly, a guy, whose name I can’t mention, was bored. He confessed, “The first day was so boring, there were some interesting parts, but in general…blah, blah, blah… I just sit around all the time.” And then in an act that required tremendous courage, I asked “What was the good part?” “The good part was definitely the food and the chicks.”

And his Belgian friend jumped in with miraculous words, “I like cheese. There should be cheese in the food.” Then a girl appeared out of Nowhere. She said, “The people from Nowhere are vegetarians. I’m from Nowhere, the best country of the world. We are all vegetarians and we love the environment. There should be more vegetarian food.” I said, “But the food was 66% vegetarian, there was salad and French fries. What else do you want?” “That salad was crap, I hate it. They should take it away.” And then the Belgian guy jumped in again, “The salad was great. They should keep the salad.” That is when I called the big guys to take him away.

So far, the food seems to be an important issue on everybody’s mind, that why I think we should create a new committee that discussed the menu for SAMUN. But wait a second, something amazing just happened. A distinguish chairperson, who will remain anonymous, just entered the fray. He also talked a lot of “blah, blah, blah” but he mentioned something unspeakable, “The food was…CRAP…” (Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!) “It could have been BETTER…” (Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! x2) “It could have MORE FLAVOR…” Anonymous, we definitely need to talk. We’ll have to change your mind and if you resist… we’ll have to use the brain-washing machine. I hope not.

Moving on, I started to ask other things. The girl from Nowhere answered the question ‘What do you think about SAMUN?’ Her answer was disturbing, “Weeee! Heeee!…” I leave it to you for further interpretation.

Trying to change the subject, I asked another question, hoping that the answer would be less alarming. We started to talk about the resolutions, and I found out that this girl is not only in favour of saving fish, but also that she can talk to them, which even more is disturbing. She told me, “We should teach the fishermen how not to fish. We should ask them how the fish feels when it is caught. The fishermen need to understand how the fish feel about it.” Perhaps, I should have never asked, but I did ask, “How do you know?” She answered as if it were a stupid question, “Well, I asked them.” That’s when I called the big guys to take her away.

Moving to the real work of SAMUN, I went to the ECOSOC committee and there I met a very interesting new delegate; her name is Mrs. Parrot. ECOSOC was having a normal committee session, when Mrs. Parrot decided to show up. She stayed quiet at the window and every now and then she would say a sonorous “Praaaaaaw” meaning agreement or “Praaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw” meaning “I disagree.” Evidently, Mrs. Parrot was bored because after a while she decided to get down from the window and eat the leaves from a plant. Every now and then, she would say “Praaaw,” which means I like this food (This definitely another point for the food.) After a while the delegates got tired of Mrs. Parrot’s continuous interruptions. And, of course, they called the big guys to take her away. Mrs. Parrot protested, she said “Praaaaaaaaaw, praaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw, praaw, praaw, praaaaaaaaaaaw” the meaning of which I won’t translate because it would be offensive to ECOSOC delegation. I would like to thank Dr. Doolittle for the translations.

I hope that you enjoyed the “Corridor Gossip.” See you tomorrow in the next edition of this stimulating column where I’ll be talking about tonight’s party, where I hope to find a lot of interesting and weird gossip. Also remember that if you want to put a tidbit yourself in tomorrow’s column, you can to talk to me at any time.